Pretty little, perfect bow.

I am an inquisitive person by nature, sometimes to my detriment. I have never been one to accept any information without my own exploration into it's truth. In fact, in my childhood, I never dreamed of prince charming, although I frequently daydreamed that I was adopted, that's a story all on it's own. No, no doodles of Mr. Right, marriage, kids; domestication. My young journals were filled with a few things; sadness, anger, and dreams of a career that would take me far away from the first two. I wanted a life jam-packed with adventure and filled to the tippity top with love. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of my idea for my life and began to conform, yeah in Kindergarten, I proceeded to dress, eat, and act just like everyone around me. Why? Why, because that's what is acceptable in our society - Be just like the girl to your right, forget individualism. Be good, believe in the Christian's God, don't say fuck, be a size 3, eat your vegetables, don't have sex until your married, get married, have kids=The End. I did this act of conformity, outwardly successful, until a few years ago. Breaking the mold felt like filling my lungs to their bases after nearly drowning.
I've been asking pretty much everyone I meet if they're happy. Happy with their career choice, happy with their relationships, just happy in general; my own sort of experiment. Dear reader, I'm sure you won't be surprised to know, most everyone has answered No. In fact, everyone has answered no. Then I always follow-up with, Why? Why aren't you happy and why don't you make changes until you are happy?? I would say most everyone feels stuck, held by obligation and bound-up with excuses --> drowning. This makes me sad for them. 2011 will be the first full year I will live freely, choosing happiness, not living under society's skirt.

I say Fuck You society. Fuck the "they," whoever they are. We should love ourselves enough to choose happiness.

I've been listening to Florence + The Machines non stop since discovering them :)



love and light...

 

PHX

Life in The Valley of The Sun is good, really good actually. I never dreamed I would love the desert as much as I do. I now understand why snowbirds flock to Arizona, you just can't beat 70 and sunny every day. I am happily content with my location.

Imagine acceptance.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.

 I’ll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.

Mevlana Jelaluddin Rumi - 13th century

Why blog - Why now?

                                                                       

I've been telling select people that I've started a blog; almost like a kid that wants to show off a shiny, new toy. It still makes me smile each time I say it; my smile is laced with excitement and tinged with embarrassment-just being completely honest, cause let's face it, if I can't bare honesty to the world wide web, albeit with anonymity, who can I be honest with! :) The idea of starting some sort of positive, weekly email originated from a trio of my closest friends, as we are rarely together in the physical, we wanted to send each other uplifting words in spirit. I have been a little reluctant to share my thoughts and ideas in a public venue out of fear; fear of rejection, fear of grammatical errors, fear no one would relate...the list goes on. This is why my excited blogger smile held the flicker of embarrassment in the curved corners, fear. I believe fear is the culprit of my self defeating behaviors. It's fear that settles in my stomach every time I start a new contract, fear that makes me want to run the other direction when I walk into a room full of strangers, and fear has guided my choices down the same ole road, time and time again. I have lived the greater part of my life in fear, desperately trying to win the acceptance and approval of others - I promise you, this is an exhausting way to live! 
After posting my first blog, I received an email from a dear friend. The email touched my heart; my embarrassment, my fear, instantly gone. The email served as an affirmation that I was moving along in the right direction and I am thankful for her confidence. One of the ways I learn and grow is through interaction with others. I am actively and passionately seeking out the best year of my life, this blog and any other avenue is an honest attempt to achieve success. For the last several years, I've been singing this same song and every year seems to be a new version of the last, like I'm stuck in Groundhog Day. The new variable I've added to the equation is change; behavior modification, sounds easy enough, right? Well for me, the last few years, it hasn't been very easy. I've partnered with a couple others on the same journey as I; having an accountability partner is a very important component to my success. I hope to grow this site into an interactive, creative, safe place for us to discover and evolve ourselves - Or it will be a really kick ass journal!!

Are you willing to sacrifice who you are, to become who you want to be?

Love & Light

2011, It's not the Destination it's the Detours.

As much as I dread endings, I equally love and anticipate beginnings. I think this is why I am always so excited to welcome the new year. The possibilities, the chance, the promise each new year brings are endless. Now I understand new year's resolutions are a bit cliche, but I continue to make them year after year. This year, for the first time, I created a vision board. I wanted to visibly define my goals to give myself something to focus on, meditate on, and see come to fruition. Debbie Ford calls this creating a powerful intent. Which, by the way, if you're into new age, she writes with a powerful pen. I'm reading The Best Year of You Life by Ford right now and she motivates me to mountain tops!
This year I want to be inspired every day, live fully, out-loud, and in color. I don't necessarily mean external inspiration, but I'm working on filling myself up from the inside out. This is a new concept for me; I tend to look to my surrounds, relationships, and other stimulants to gain insight. It's kinda scary just hanging around in my own skin! Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to evolving myself in 2011.

What is your vision for 2011?